She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
