She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We need a shit load of segways right now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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