Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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