Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
