is your mom at the bar?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
