My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
