Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
