I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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