I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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