Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
