I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
