On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
