The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
