I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
