if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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