Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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