I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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