On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
