Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
