yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
