Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
