What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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