Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
