you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
