Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
