Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if only i could text you this smell
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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