i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
