Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
