i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence