Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
