Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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