No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
