Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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