When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
