Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
