i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
