My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
