what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
