I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
sex in a hospital.. check
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize