Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
