Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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