OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
