And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize