My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
