like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
