I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
