Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
