Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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