woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
