You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yo dont text me then not text me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am one with the molecules
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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