We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
