"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
