.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
