What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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