Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
