Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
