I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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