Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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