i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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