Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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