my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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