You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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