New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
