i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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