I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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