I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
