i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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