Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
