i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize