so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
