My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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