Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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