True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
