Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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