I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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