where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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