she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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