i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My feet surprised me
Randomize
